Friday, December 19, 2014

Why Am I Here?

That is a good question. Because time to type out my thoughts is not in great supply. I'm the mother of a three year old. 'Nuff said. Yet here I am.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Some good, some sad, some manic, some dark. I had a high school reunion not too long ago and someone who hasn't seen me since graduation said, "I can picture you now with your cool hairdo. Always laughing with mischief in your eyes."
My heart skipped a beat. It has been too long since that was an accurate description of me.

I've had SUCH joy in the past 3 years. My Beanie McWeinerson is a marvel. She shines with happiness and takes my breath away with her intelligence. The first thing I told her after she was born was, "I have waited for you for so long." I didn't tell her about her father coming home drunk, stoned, and belligerent the night before. I have continued to not tell her what a miserable excuse he is for a father, partner, and dare I say it, a man.

"Hatred eats the soul of the hater, not the hated." Alice Herz-Sommer, Holocaust survivor

I know she's right.

I know that my failed relationship with a shitty man hardly compares to very real horrors in this world.

I know I am relieved to my core to be free of him.

I know he isn't worth the energy it takes to hate him.

I know that many kids don't have an involved, decent dad and Beanie McWeinerson has so many people on her side, that she will thrive in spite of him.

I know a lot, apparently.

So get on with it then. Show them how it is done.

Tell All Your Single Friends,

Smitten is coming back. Fasten your seat belts.

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